Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus - junior version

I was walking with my son to his school the other day.

In front of us were a group of girls and boys who were due to make their Confirmation (a Catholic religious ceremony for 12 year olds) in a few days time.

The girls were talking at full speed:

'What are you wearing?' 'Who's going to your party', 'What are you doing with your hair?' 'Did you get the pink handbag?' 'Is your mam letting you wear make-up?'

The boys looked at the girls with that look they will learn to perfect over the years, a kind of 'Women, huh?' look, an L-plate version.

They looked like they felt the need to say something to each other, there was so much conversation going on elsewhere.

After a pause, Boy 1 gets conversationally inspired.

'What's in your sandwich?', Boy 1 said to Boy 2.

'Sausage', Boy 2 said with a grin.

'Sweet !', said Boy 1.

'What's in yours?', Boy 2 asked.

'Ham...' Boy 1 asked.

'With mustard?...' Boy 2 interjected.

'Of course', Boy 1 answered.

'Sweet' they both said.

The girls gave them withering looks.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

A little tiny piece of mine in the Irish Times Today

I was just having a little online breather before starting the festivities, faces to paint, shamrocks to iron, when I checked to see if my 'Dear Saint Patrick' letter made the Irish Times, Letter to Saint Patrick Competition.

I was delighted to see it is in the paper today, (a shortened version), with the other very worthy winners.
The one that won is a worthy one, I should have thought of that myself and me a Brigid.

Read the witty entries here.
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The full version I submitted is:

Dear Saint Patrick,

Do you mind if I call you Patrick?

Thanks, it is 2011 after all, and we are all very familiar nowadays, maybe if you were on twitter I could tweet this and say something like:

@stpat the snakes are back, can you come back pls? AWESOME!

Well, the snakes ARE back.

I know you will find that distressing, they took all our money and built us houses that we queued up for overnight, in winter, in Ireland, I know?

We are now left with shoebox houses that shake when it's windy and you can hear next door sneezing if you try hard enough.

Anyway, Patrick, the houses are tiny but we owe HUGE amounts of money for them, because we had a boom here.

Basically EVERYONE owns ten properties, except for a few of us who due to other issues in our lives, like family raising and other non-profit making enterprises, didn't save a few hundred thousand euro quick enough to buy a brace of one bed apartments in Leitrim (two hours from Dublin - if you are on a space shuttle).

So, like the Bible tells us, we worshipped false gods, well, not all of us, mind, and now we are owned by the Europeans and are embarrassed to take a ferry to Brittany because a woman in a supermarche might remind us of our debts.
I live in fear of ordering a baguette and a vin rouge to be reprimanded for careless fiscal policy.
I have been practising for this eventuality by using Google translation and entering the phrase:

'Apologies for the complete breakdown of our economic and political system.

I had nothing to do with it. Could you make that two bottles of vin de rouge, Madame Shopkeeper?'

Not quite the conversation opener I had planned for the laidback campsite atmosphere.

Our second favourite hobby after house-buying is now shopping.

Hordes of people spend afternoons buying clothes with labels advertising big manufacturers, enabling them to make 7,000% profit.
Clever, huh? I am sure we could use your help with finding new hobbies.

We need you back, Patrick, the snake infestation is worsening and you are the only man for the job.
By the way, the snakes are shape-shifters and may appear respectable people but believe me, look a bit closer, you will see them for what they are.

I eagerly await your reply,
Brigid.
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Happy Saint Patrick's Day to all of you.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Dear Saint Patrick, can you come back?

Dear Saint Patrick,

Do you mind if I call you Patrick? Thanks, it is 2011 and we are all very familiar nowadays, maybe if you were on twitter I could tweet this and say something like:

@stpat the snakes are back, can you come back pls? AWESOME!

Well, the snakes are back and I know you will find that distressing,they took all our money and built us houses that we queued up for overnight, in winter, in Ireland, I know? We are now left in shoebox houses that shake when it's windy and you can hear next door sneezing if you try hard enough.

Anyway, Patrick, the houses are tiny but we owe HUGE amounts of money for them, because we had a boom here and basically EVERYONE owns ten houses except for a few of us who due to other issues in our life, like family raising and other non-profit making enterprises, didn't save a few hundred thousand euro quick enough to buy a brace of one bed apartments in Leitrim (two hours from Dublin - if you are on a space shuttle).

So, like the Bible tells us, we worshipped false gods, well, not all of us, mind, and now we are owned by the Europeans and are embarrassed to take a ferry to Brittany because a woman in a supermarche might remind us of our debts.
I live in fear of ordering a baguette and a vin rouge to be reprimanded for careless fiscal policy.

I am just writing to ask you to come back and remove the snakes that are left here, maybe when they are gone we could return to a happier state.

By the way, if you do get back, there is quite a large motorway going past Tara Hill, you won't need such a big torch this time as the car's headlamps will light the way.
I am apologising about that, even though I have nothing to do with it. In fact, I spend a lot of time in Tara with my kids and find it the most peaceful place in Ireland, something to do with the ley-lines.
It certainly beats an afternoon at a mall buying clothes with labels advertising some big manufacturer, who outsources his work to India and China and makes 7,000% profit and we then, buy it and advertise his company for him.
Clever, huh? That is our second favourite hobby now after house buying.

Anyway, as you can see, we need you back, the snake infestation is getting worse and you are the only man for the job.
By the way, the snakes are shape-shifters and may appear respectable business people but believe me, look a bit closer, you will see them for what they are.

See you soon, I hope, and again apologies for the big dirty motorway,
Yours in faith,
Brigid