Thursday, March 17, 2011

A little tiny piece of mine in the Irish Times Today

I was just having a little online breather before starting the festivities, faces to paint, shamrocks to iron, when I checked to see if my 'Dear Saint Patrick' letter made the Irish Times, Letter to Saint Patrick Competition.

I was delighted to see it is in the paper today, (a shortened version), with the other very worthy winners.
The one that won is a worthy one, I should have thought of that myself and me a Brigid.

Read the witty entries here.
The full version I submitted is:

Dear Saint Patrick,

Do you mind if I call you Patrick?

Thanks, it is 2011 after all, and we are all very familiar nowadays, maybe if you were on twitter I could tweet this and say something like:

@stpat the snakes are back, can you come back pls? AWESOME!

Well, the snakes ARE back.

I know you will find that distressing, they took all our money and built us houses that we queued up for overnight, in winter, in Ireland, I know?

We are now left with shoebox houses that shake when it's windy and you can hear next door sneezing if you try hard enough.

Anyway, Patrick, the houses are tiny but we owe HUGE amounts of money for them, because we had a boom here.

Basically EVERYONE owns ten properties, except for a few of us who due to other issues in our lives, like family raising and other non-profit making enterprises, didn't save a few hundred thousand euro quick enough to buy a brace of one bed apartments in Leitrim (two hours from Dublin - if you are on a space shuttle).

So, like the Bible tells us, we worshipped false gods, well, not all of us, mind, and now we are owned by the Europeans and are embarrassed to take a ferry to Brittany because a woman in a supermarche might remind us of our debts.
I live in fear of ordering a baguette and a vin rouge to be reprimanded for careless fiscal policy.
I have been practising for this eventuality by using Google translation and entering the phrase:

'Apologies for the complete breakdown of our economic and political system.

I had nothing to do with it. Could you make that two bottles of vin de rouge, Madame Shopkeeper?'

Not quite the conversation opener I had planned for the laidback campsite atmosphere.

Our second favourite hobby after house-buying is now shopping.

Hordes of people spend afternoons buying clothes with labels advertising big manufacturers, enabling them to make 7,000% profit.
Clever, huh? I am sure we could use your help with finding new hobbies.

We need you back, Patrick, the snake infestation is worsening and you are the only man for the job.
By the way, the snakes are shape-shifters and may appear respectable people but believe me, look a bit closer, you will see them for what they are.

I eagerly await your reply,
Happy Saint Patrick's Day to all of you.


Old Kitty said...

LOL!! There you are!! Brilliant!!! Well done you!!!! I like both short and long versions!!

I never knew a St Brigid and am most intrigued now (the winning entry).

I have to admit, I laughed out loud with Ireland's entry "Bet you wish you never left Wales"!

Happy St Patrick's Day!!! Take care

Brigid said...

Thanks Old Kitty, yes, Saint Brigid is a great role model and a goddess no less.

I laughed out loud at that one too about not leaving Wales!!

niamh said...

Well done, loved reading it! Hope you have a great day, after you've ironed those shamrocks!

Dave King said...

Yours, too, would have been a worthy winner.

Talli Roland said...

Fantastic - well done! Happy St Patrick's Day.

Eileen said...

Congrats, you should have won, but then I am biased, well done and keep up the writing ! a happy St Patricks day to you.

Brigid said...

Thanks Niamh, a great day was had by all.

Thanks Dave, I appreciate that.

Thanks Talli, we had a lovely day.

Eileen, you ARE biased, thanks and Happy Patrricks Day to you.

Leigh Blake said...

Fabulous! And nothing better than seeing your words in print...richly deserved. And huge thanks for the logo and link to! Have you seen the Anam Cara competition? Perfect for you!
All best

Leigh Blake said...

Who is Leigh Blake Google? Sorry Leigh, and Brigid, this is me!

Brigid said...

Hi Vanessa/Leigh, thank you, it was a nice St Patricks Day surprise.
You are welcome re the logo and I will check out the Anam Cara competition.

Barbara Scully said...

Hi Brigid

Thats great... congratulations on having your letter in the Irish Times. And I have to say that I agree with you 100%... it's a load of contrived ole shite!!!

Go you


Theresa Milstein said...

Love it! It would be nice if Patrick could grant your wishes, like Santa Claus.

brigid said...

Thanks Barbara and Theresa, like Santa Claus would be great!!

Catherine said...

Hi Brigid - saw that letter among the others and thought it very good- wondered was it you, good guess! Isn't it nice to have something in the Times? I was like a kid when I won the Terrible Typos competition last September! Agreed with your sentiments wholeheartedly, I get called a bah-humbug type for not buying into the whole hype around these over-commercialised holidays - and the snakes were spot on.

Brigid said...

Thanks Catherine, I had done it as a blogpost and the competition was run, so I just had to send it in. Congrats to you for winning the Terrible Typos competition.